She calls at four in the morning

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 27, 2012

She tells me, “I have to go to bed.”
“You’re fucking kidding. Now I’m up for the rest of the night? You know we live in different time zones, right? I’m three hours ahead? It’s four in the morning.”
“I just wanted to say good night.”
“Good night was six hours ago.” But I love her. I love her. And tonight I’m up all night.

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Sorry

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 26, 2012

“You broke me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s not enough.”
“What’s enough?”
“You go be sorry for ten years. You figure out a way you bring my youth back. You go back in time. You don’t hit my mom. You don’t hit me. Sorry? You’re sorry. I hate you.”

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Karma chameleon

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 26, 2012

I went to jail for 90 days for something I believe I didn’t do. What about you? What about your sins? How do you pay? With your emptiness? With your empty promiscuity? That has become your life. And what comes around? It always goes around eventually.

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The hurt

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 26, 2012

Where are you? I look and I can’t find you. Without you I have nothing and no one. How did we come to this place? How did you find me? Why did you find me? To make me want again? I had just smashed that need. And now it’s back. I don’t know to thank or to curse you. Need hurts. And I am so tired of hurting.

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I’ve fallen

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 25, 2012

It’s over. Thank you, God it’s over. I can see the light. I kiss grandma. I hug uncle. Then a voice rises. “Go back. You’re not finished yet. Go back.” It’s like a womb. It’s so warm and I don’t want to leave. “Your daughter. Your son. Go back.” I wake and I run home. I grab their hands and lift them to the sky. She giggles. He mocks her. And I try not to cry.

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Who again?

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 25, 2012

Who the fuck cares who gets caught in the middle? Left, right. 50-50. Everything is the same. We have to tear down the wall or nothing will ever be different. Nothing.

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Do you want to see?

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 25, 2012

Do you want to see me bleed? Do you want to see me come? Do you want to see me fall? Do you want to see me stagger? Do you want to see me drunk? Do you want to see me sober? Everything. Small or large. Everything. It is all for you.

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Sobriety

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 21, 2012

“Why do you sound so well?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sober.”
“Because I’m sober. I could go get fucked up if you like and call back slurring.”
“I’d prefer you didn’t.”
“Then don’t ask if I’m fucking sober. It’s hard enough to be this way without being tested on it.”
“Calm down.”
“I am calm. Why don’t you fuck down a couple notches?”
“That’s not calm.”
“Okay I lied. This fucking sucks. And your asking about it? Only brings it closer back. So shut up.”
“That is uncalled for. Don’t tell me to shut up in my own house.”
“Shut the fuck up.”

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Different

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 9, 2012

I go to the office to pay rent. And I look at the guy behind the desk. I don’t mean this meanly. And I’m, like, this. This is what you want to do with your life. Fuck. We are so different.

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Food

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 8, 2012

Everyone gets everything they want. Don’t you see? That’s what’s the fucking problem.

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Necessities of us all

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 8, 2012

“Are you warm? Are you safe?”
How did it come to that? I love them. I need them. I want them. How did I fall so far that they feel like these are necessary questions?

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Weaponry

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 8, 2012

“Do you have any weapons?”
“That’s a stupid question.”
“What?”
“Almost anything in this room can be weaponized.”
“Are you carrying any weapons.”
“Did you not hear what I just said? That’s a stupid question.”
“What would you have me ask?”
“If my intent is to hurt you.”
“Is it?”
“No.”
“Wouldn’t that have been easier?”
“You’re missing the point.”

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Operation Ivy

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 7, 2012

“Daddy, daddy, daddy, I don’t like that music.”
“You’re going to grow up with something that fucking rocks. Your mom and sister can have Taylor Swift. Now listen to Mötorhead and to go to sleep. It sort of gets softer at the end of Overkill. And if you can’t sleep? Be glad you have a dad that makes you listen to Operation Ivy.”

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Banal

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 6, 2012

“Since when did banality and mediocrity become the norm.”
“But Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift are so sweet and talented.”
“No. No they’re not. They’re just as fucked up as the rest of us.”
“What do you want your kids listening to?”
“I don’t care I just want it coming from someplace.”
“Like Janis or Billie Holliday? They’re not very good role models.”
“I don’t care if they died in pools of their on vomit or blew their fucking heads off. I’ll be the goddamn role model.”
“Good chance of that.”
“Yeah, well. At least they’ll get fucked up listening to something good.

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Incarceration

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 5, 2012

Jail. I don’t think you should go if you haven’t been. And I don’t suggest you do. But it will define you. It will make you or, more likely, it will break you. Be hard all the time? See what falls.

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Uh

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 5, 2012

“I don’t like losing my temper. Especially around you but I didn’t lose that invoice.”
“But.”
“But? But? Toss my fucking account away and look at our past.”
“Okay.”
“Too late. fuck you.”

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Hold

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 5, 2012

“I’m not beholden to you. I’m not beholden to me.”
“Let me.”
“Let you what?”
“Let me in. You can’t do this alone.”
“Do what?”
“Honey, let me in.”

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Knowledge

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 5, 2012

“You know too much.”
“You don’t know enough.”
“And look what it brought you.”
“That’s an easy thing to say. At least I love Emily Dickinson and punk rock.”
“And, so that makes you what?”
“I guess smarter and sadder than you.”
“Yes.”
“We’re still going to be the same dead in fifty years.”
“Nice.”

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Actions

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 5, 2012

“Your words.”
“Yes?”
“They’re too raw.”
“Nobody has to look at them.”
“You put them everywhere.”
“Nobody has to look.”

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Facts

By Kalani Perry | Published: January 5, 2012

“When’s the last time you had sex?”
“Last week.”
“I don’t like that.”
“I don’t like a lot of things. I’m married. I have to fuck him.”
“That doesn’t mean I like to think about it.”

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  • (Not Quite) Random Quotes

    I am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best. — Marilyn Monroe

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    Warning: There will be theories here. Predominantly my own or those that I agree with. And when I say "theories" I mean it like a rational scientist does when speaking of gravity or evolution. I correctly treat them as facts. Otherwise, this site, though informed by reality, is, in fact, fictional. Any resemblance of any character contained herein to any real person, living or dead, is a, um, coincidence.