I’m sorry I put you in a corner. I know you fight back hard. You’re fighting back too hard. In my mind, in my heart, all I ever did was love you. I made mistakes, of course. It’s a cliché to say, “Who doesn’t make mistakes?” But, who doesn’t make mistakes? Do you want me to say, “You win?” Then, “You win.” These unnecessary actions are bankrupting me, financially, emotionally, my faith. You were the one that made me believe again, and your attempts to break me are working against the core of my belief system. I’m turning around so fast, I’m dizzy and I’m nauseated.
I don’t hate you. I’m not trying to bring you harm. I’m scared to see what your life has become, so in all honesty, I’ve been avoiding you. I haven’t been within 10 miles of you (as far as I know) in almost six months because I don’t want to know. I feel like I fell in love with a character from a novel or a play, and that she never really existed. Or, if she did, her appearances were intermittent, like a matinee on a Tuesday afternoon.
The stubborn realization is so painful. I didn’t exist. You didn’t exist. We didn’t exist. There was never, really, a we. I wanted to believe so badly. I wanted to love something will all my heart so badly. I wanted to transcend so badly.
Were you my sweet love? Was I your angel? If not, why did we say it so often? Were you ever there? Were you ever really there? How could you do what you’re doing if you were ever really there? How can I do what I’m doing if I ever really existed?
Remember how I asked you to be vulnerable? Please, be again. If you won’t have me, let me be. Make it easier to walk away without destroying everything. Be vulnerable. I never took advantage of your softness. Stop being so hard.
Every minute, every hour, is another chance to change. Life is beautiful and terrible and strange.
I’m sorry I put you in a corner. I know you fight back hard. You’re fighting back too hard. In my mind, in my heart, all I ever did was love you. I made mistakes, of course. It’s a cliché to say, “Who doesn’t make mistakes?” But, who doesn’t make mistakes? Do you want me to say, “You win?” Then, “You win.” These unnecessary actions are bankrupting me, financially, emotionally, my faith. You were the one that made me believe again, and your attempts to break me are working against the core of my belief system. I’m turning around so fast, I’m dizzy and I’m nauseated.
I don’t hate you. I’m not trying to bring you harm. I’m scared to see what your life has become, so in all honesty, I’ve been avoiding you. I haven’t been within 10 miles of you (as far as I know) in almost six months because I don’t want to know. I feel like I fell in love with a character from a novel or a play, and that she never really existed. Or, if she did, her appearances were intermittent, like a matinee on a Tuesday afternoon.
The stubborn realization is so painful. I didn’t exist. You didn’t exist. We didn’t exist. There was never, really, a we. I wanted to believe so badly. I wanted to love something will all my heart so badly. I wanted to transcend so badly.
Were you my sweet love? Was I your angel? If not, why did we say it so often? Were you ever there? Were you ever really there? How could you do what you’re doing if you were ever really there? How can I do what I’m doing if I ever really existed?
Remember how I asked you to be vulnerable? Please, be again. If you won’t have me, let me be. Make it easier to walk away without destroying everything. Be vulnerable. I never took advantage of your softness. Stop being so hard.