Author Archives: Kalani Perry
Kalani Perry
Del Valle
No one can quite grasp the specifics of my situation. This scares me. Each person I share my story with serves as proxy for a potential juror, eventually to be culled from my bank of peers, whoever they are. And as their eyes inevitably glaze over when I try to explain the nuances–critical to my [...]
Posted in: Creative, Fragments, History Tagged as: austin bergstrom international, del valle texas, early evening, east border, international trips, juror, late afternoon, melancholy, nuances, painful reminder Leave a comment
Yeah, I love you so much. I don’t need to exist.
My new favorite band. And yes that is Jack White on the drums.
This album is so good, that I want you to listen to these, but don’t steal them. Buy this album. Now.
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The truth?
Everybody is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for.
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Memory is a wonderful thing if you don’t have to deal with the past
I thought I was going to be more sad. But it’s actually a relief. I even laughed. Today was full of miracles. A bomb threat at the courthouse giving me the three-day delay I needed? How the fuck does that happen? If I didn’t know it wasn’t me, I might have thought it was me. [...]
Posted in: Journal, Monologues Tagged as: bomb threat, deep breath, divorce, divorce song, inevitable moment, loaded gun, miracles, money, overwhelming sense, realization, rest of my life, summary judgment, waste of my time, wonderful thing Leave a comment
Unbelievable
This is not a photograph. It is a vector drawing by Thai artist Ussa Methawiitayakul. Check out the process. One step closer to Weird Science.
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The Hold Steady, nuff said
If you’ve seen the movie I Heart Huckabees, then you’ll know how I feel about this song, Soft in the Center, to wit:
Well, the hospital is gonna let you go.
But the city is gonna stick around.
Yeah sure, the stars are in the sky.
But the money is still down on the ground.
Man, if money didn’t matter [...]
Posted in: Monologues Tagged as: bodies of water, dangerous place, i heart huckabees, long cold winter, love, money, stars sky, to tell the truth, water freeze, wit Leave a comment
Shoal Creek
For Carlo Marx
The innocent arrogance of innocent insight
Where no one isn’t stained
The simultaneous paradox, then:
Is no one is to blame
The opiated masses bleat and daily chew their cud
And the pigs that serve them self-righteous
Are covered in the mud
Order has a grotesque cost of vile assimilation
It follows, then, forever lost
The minds of generations
Not all
Some stand naked [...]
Posted in: Creative Tagged as: arrogance, assimilation, bleat, carlo marx, cud, fifth floor, floor windows, hymns, pigs, shoal creek Leave a comment
If you think holding hands is all in the fingers, grab hold of the soul where the memory lingers
If you know me in “real” life, you know that I worship The White Stripes. But never, ever, in a million years did I believe that they would show–not tell–the literal keys to redemption. They wrote this song about me, most likely without knowing it. Delusions of grandeur. (And, yes, I know I’m using that [...]
Posted in: Journal Tagged as: delusions of grandeur, holding hands, million years, mole, rumpus, singing boy, telephone booth, vernacular, white stripes, wrong man Leave a comment
The-best-I’m-writing-this-love-letter-so-it-looks-like-I actually-care-about-this-meeting-enough-to-take-notes love letter ever
My love (light of my life, fire of my loins, my sin, my soul),
This meeting is boring. And my thoughts, as they often do, return to you. What a two weeks, two months, two lives this has been. Who knows why anything happens? I’m so glad you come from a skeptical, rational place, because this [...]
Posted in: Fragments, History Tagged as: aphorisms, dummies, light of my life, loins, love letter, platitude, rational place, subtext, unctuous, verbal tics Leave a comment
Truth, justice, and blah, blah, blah
Surely, one of the most often repeated clichés from the lexicon of the American myth, is that an accused person is innocent until proven guilty, aka, The Presumption of Innocence. Those of you with the displeasure of running through the wrong side of the justice system (I just threw up a little bit in [...]
Remember?
I’m worst at what I do best. And for this gift? I feel blessed.
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Posted in: History Leave a comment
Sin (D Remix)
With apologies to Trent Reznor who “is Nine Inch Nails.” I found Sin incarcerated in Harris County and a phone number ending in 662. Prescriptions forged on Research, then like Peter, three times denied. Remember the lies? I do. The biases of your “memory,” the improvised duplicity, and the reckless, half-assed perjury. It’s all [...]
Posted in: Fragments Tagged as: apologies, biases, duplicity, effigy, harris county, incense, nine inch nails, perjury, purity, trent reznor Leave a comment
An imagined prologue to divorce. Oh, and Beck.
How is it possible that today, a niche-famous musician I’ve never met, only having admired him from this side of my ears, could accurately predict the thoughts in my head, from the speakers of my car, and in harmony no less? Even more impressive is the prediction manifest in a song, Cold Brains, released in [...]
Posted in: Creative, Monologues Tagged as: cold brains, famous musician, insider trading, interjection, permanent damage, prologue, prominence, sea change, song titles, thoughts in my head Leave a comment
Sad bastard music
Rational thought as a means to change is not often celebrated in love songs or happily ever-after-movies, but is the part of our consciousness best able to understand an end goal, modify ineffective strategies, repeat successful ones, and keep us on the enlightened path to self-actualization.
There are brain chemistry issues for some, but even [...]
Coincidences
Life is mostly wasting time, trying to avoid pain, and gorging on whatever we think will give us two seconds of pleasure. Whenever I’ve been foolish enough to trick myself otherwise, the pain has been tenfold because I wasn’t bracing for what I should have known was an inevitable blow.
You were evil, but I was [...]
Posted in: Monologues Tagged as: coincidence, coincidences, consciousness, god, human history, many things, pillows, seconds of pleasure, self disgust, self-awareness, timeline, wasting time Leave a comment
Willful suspension and phantom pains
The short distance I’ve covered since October, belies the activity. I was too long clinging to assumptions that are more accurately described as delusions. In retrospect, it’s easier to see the logic, that when not convoluted by false hope, was pretty accurate in its forecast. I hate that I was right. There was an agent, [...]
Supernatural indulgences
Why was I so convinced that this was different. It felt different. Because she called me, “Angel?” Ridiculous. Yet, because we met at a time when I was fragile, I likened her existence to the proactive, blessed supernatural. I wanted so badly for the fairy tale we started in those beautiful emails to be real. [...]
Posted in: History Tagged as: angel, dissonance, duplicity, existence, fairy tale, indulgence, indulgences, miracle, screenplay, supernatural, usury Leave a comment
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God doesn’t play dice, I do