Author Archives: Kalani Perry

The valley of the shadow of whatever

You’re going to walk through the valley? You better watch your back. If there is a God? He only helps those that help themselves.
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La verdad

Being an artist means expressing your true feelings. Whether it be on canvas or WordPress. Simple. Honest. Clarity. No redaction. No compromise. Often in the moment. No regret. Being an artist means being the truth.
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Nihility

I believe it’s almost immoral to perpetuate superstitions, however comforting, onto anyone outside yourself. We’ve been creating these stories since fire, and hominids becoming bipeds. They explain the unexplainable with specific myths that change in every culture and over the millennia. With no empirical evidence whatsoever, these ridiculous stories become embedded. And then people kill [...]
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Visceral and intellectual

I’m trying to write so that the visceral and the intellectual are equally represented. And explain in cogent, descriptive, raw terms how a metaphorical punch in the gut feels. How it feels to flail, to fall down, and then pull yourself up and do it again. Then, reflect on it and make it as real [...]
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Numb

“Escape.” “There is no escape here.” “Just walk out.” “Walk out of my mind? I don’t think I’d get very far before it caught up.” “So you sit in here and numb the pain?” “Yes, I sit in here and numb the fucking pain.” “How are you ever going to get out?” “I don’t know.” “Do you even have a plan?” “Yes. To numb [...]
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Dark and light

I absolutely refuse to let this loneliness kill me. No more downward spirals into the darkness. I will write about my experiences there, but no longer relive them in order to write them.
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Chaotic

If there is a God, he ain’t got no plan. None that I can see. All I can see is a random chaos where nothing and no one matters. A loving remark or a wild car hits you on the street. Where is the purpose? Where is the meaning? I just don’t see any.
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Forward, right?

History tells us about ourselves. It informs everything about us. From your next breath to your next step. How the fuck do you know where you’re going, if you have no idea where you’ve been?
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42

“I’ve lived on this Earth almost 42 years and everything that means anything to me fits in a duffle bag.” “I don’t fit in your duffle bag.” “What do you mean to me?” “Once you said ‘Everything’” “Everything and nothing are a lot closer than you think.”
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No can

“The pain of loss. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t live with and without you.” “You have me now.” “It’s not enough. I need more.” “This is all you can have.” “I know.”
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She

“She thinks too much of you.” “Really?” “Do you have a second?” “Nothing starts good with that question.” “Let her out.” “Let her out of what?” “Let her out of you.” “Never. That girl will always be mine.” “We’ll see.” “Yes, we will fucking see.”
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Much

“I love you too much.” “I didn’t know there could be too much.” “And still you need more.” “I always need more.” “I give all that I can give.” “I always need more. Too much is never enough.”
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You’re crying

“You’re crying? Why are you crying?” “Your words.” “All I have is my words.” “No. You have me.” “No you have others that need you.” “You have me.” “I? I have nothing.”
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Stay

“Are you doing this because I said I love you?” “No.” “Are you doing this because I cannot cry?” “No. I’m doing it because I love you.” “Stay.” “I can’t. Goodbye, my love.”
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Okay I may have told a white lie

I said I wouldn’t talk about this. But your voice goes through me like a hot knife through butter. And I can feel you. Your voice is like an aria when it finally plays. Your face is like Da Vinci. And your attention is all I crave. And I can feel you. Your body is [...]
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And now

“So we play this game. You go “sssshhh.” And I go “sssshhh.” And then we stay silent. And everything around us gets to be grace and love. Fuck this. I want more. I want your undivided attention. I want it all. I want it all.” “You can’t have it all. You can only play a part.” “That [...]
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Midsummer

“Or, if there were a sympathy in choice, War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it, Making it momentary as a sound, Swift as a shadow, short as any dream; Brief as the lightning in the collied night, That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth, And ere a man hath power to say ‘Behold!’ The jaws of darkness do [...]
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Lies

“It doesn’t fit.” “What?” “I look into your eyes and it doesn’t fit.” “What do you mean?” “You’re lying.” “About?” “I don’t know. But I can see in your eyes that you’re lying.”
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Rememberance

I remember. Maybe you have forgotten. But I remember. All I do is remember.
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The story

“I put you in the story.” “I don’t want to be in it. That’s you not me.” “What do you mean? Here you are.” “That’s your story not mine. Keep it to yourself.” “Too late, you’re in it.” “Keep my fucking name out.” “Anyone that reads it is going to know it’s you.” “I know, asshole.”
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